Mina Button's blog

kink and feminism and stuff…formerly known as Absinthe Cocktail.

30 Days of Kink – Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

On the one hand, I am so totally a believer in not yucking the yums of others that there are very few things I feel like I don’t on some level, even if it’s completely intellectual and theoretical, vaguely understand how someone could find them sexy.  I mean, I have serious squicks, and I have major limits, and there are some kinks that I think you have to be incredibly careful with to not execute them in a way that’s completely reprehensible, but I can kind of see how maybe someone somewhere could find most things sexy in some sort of way.

But on the other hand…and this is something so incredibly super basic that I’m one of the few people I know who doesn’t do it…I don’t understand how switching works.

Like…I get the very basic theory.  Like, the you do one thing, and then you do this other thing parts.  But the mindset is completely and utterly foreign to me.  How does that work?  How do you even…tell what you want and when and with who?  I guess it’s just a mood thing…like how sometimes you can be in the mood for one kind of sex, or food, or whatever, and another time all you want is something else entirely.

Also, please note, I’m not saying that any of this is bad.  It’s totally not bad!  I often wish I were a switch, mostly because everyone I’ve had a relationship with since I came to kink has been switchy and that leaves me utterly incapable of satisfying anyone ever.

Being submissive is just a huge part of my identity (I realize that’s not true for everyone, but it is for me)…to the point where I have a really difficult time talking about myself without it coming up.

So…I dunno.  I feel like this post is making me sound really dense.  I just…I get the concept, and I more or less get how it works in practice, but the mindset is utterly lost on me.

I don’t know what else to say.

Leave a Reply