Mina Button's blog

kink and feminism and stuff…formerly known as Absinthe Cocktail.

30 Days of Kink – Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

Once again, oh God so many.

I’ve talked about several here before.  I hate when people conflate D/s roles and gender.  Seriously, despite the fact that I am very much Garnet’s girl, few things piss me off faster than seeing someone use the terms “girl” and “submissive” interchangeably when they’re talking about submissives in general.  I also hate when particular sex acts are talked about as inherently tied to roles (either D/s roles or gender roles).  Basically, generalizations piss me off.

It pisses me off when people inflict their personal protocol on others in wildly inappropriate settings.  House rules are one thing,  and I’m pretty willing to go along when I’m on someone else’s turf, especially when I know I’m in a setting where higher protocol is the norm–I wouldn’t go to a high-protocol event if I didn’t want to deal with that.  However, I will never forget a few years ago when Roderick and I were at a public party, very casual, and a prominent local pro-domme complimented Roderick on my corset.  That I was wearing.  While I was standing right there.  Even after he pointed out that I’d made the corset myself, she didn’t speak to me or even make eye contact, but continued to talk about me like I wasn’t fucking standing right there.

Similarly, I dislike when people do this via the internet.  When researching various stuff, both for myself and for Garnet, I can’t even tell you the number of times I’ve come across discussions where someone says “Any advice for situation x because y?” And some asshole responds with “I wouldn’t allow x or y to happen in the first place!”  Like, a) not helpful, and b) shut up you don’t know what is or isn’t allowed in anyone else’s relationship.

It also annoys me when people act like being a dominant and a top and a sadist are all the same thing and use those terms interchangeably, and when they do the same with submissive, bottom, and masochist.  It’s not really on the same level as the stuff mentioned above, but it still annoys and frustrates me when it happens.  No everyone who bottoms or likes to experience intense sensation is submissive, and not every dominant likes to inflict pain.  This has been on my mind a bit lately.  Especially since my sadistic streak has been popping up a lot in the past week or so, even as I try to work more and more on being a better submissive.  These two things are not in opposition to each other, or even mutually exclusive.  They just…are.

So yeah…there are many things, many of which I didn’t even really go into here.

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