Mina Button's blog

kink and feminism and stuff…formerly known as Absinthe Cocktail.

Archive for May, 2012

30 Days of Kink – Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction).

Posted in Uncategorized on May 30, 2012 by

I feel like I should have some really super-smart non-fiction recommendation here to write about.  I’ve been re-reading the New Bottoming Book, and getting a lot out of it, but it’s hardly my favorite.  I also feel weird recommending something I haven’t actually finished yet.

But there are these two books I kind of love (though the second is better than the first), one of which I’ve mentioned here before.  Carrie’s Story and Safe Word by Molly Weatherfield.  I mean, they’re kind of complete fluff.  Just erotica.  And they’re certainly not perfect, they have plenty of problems.  It’s also worth mentioning that I loaned them to Garnet and she hates them.  But I like them for a bunch of reasons.

I mean, for starters, I just find them hot.  There are scenarios in them that I enjoy–Carrie gets packed off and sent to all kinds of places (to a human pony farm, then eventually sold to a stranger) to be trained, which is one of those fantasy scenarios I find hot in stories but would be terrifying in real life.  She also gets loaned to another dominant for a party, thoroughly used by the other submissives in the household, then is part of a carefully planned and very well-executed performance for an event, which is something I could almost imagine doing and enjoying in real life.

I also like the way several different things are handled within the stories.  I wish there were way, way, way more negotiation.  Like, there is hardly any.  But the plot is a pretty common one–less experienced girl explores submission with an older, more experienced man.  Sound familiar?  Yeah.  But I love that the kink goes beyond an occasional spanking, and that no one ever at all has a for real crisis of conscience.  Both Carrie and Jonathan definitely have to take some time to sort out their relationship and where they want it to go, but neither of them ever has a big “I like this kinky stuff–is it wrong?” moment.  Ever.  In two books.  And neither of them really wishes for a “normal” relationship or goes on about how damaged they are.  They’re both just interested in kink and compatible and like doing stuff together.  There is also one particular scene that I absolutely love for the way it deals with roles and sex acts, which I’ve written about before.

So yeah.  Not perfect, and I desperately wish that there was so much more negotiation in erotica (though I’m a complete hypocrite, as I’ve never written any erotica that had a decent negotiation scene, either), but so much better than it could be.

I also feel like I should mention that while Garnet and I were off on our romantic weekend getaway for our anniversary, I happened to pick up a copy of The Marketplace by Laura Antoniou, and in addition to being hot, it was so snarky and funny and fun to read that I have got to track down a copy and finish it.

The 30 Days of Kink meme can be found here.

30 Days of Kink – Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

Posted in Uncategorized on May 29, 2012 by

On the one hand, I am so totally a believer in not yucking the yums of others that there are very few things I feel like I don’t on some level, even if it’s completely intellectual and theoretical, vaguely understand how someone could find them sexy.  I mean, I have serious squicks, and I have major limits, and there are some kinks that I think you have to be incredibly careful with to not execute them in a way that’s completely reprehensible, but I can kind of see how maybe someone somewhere could find most things sexy in some sort of way.

But on the other hand…and this is something so incredibly super basic that I’m one of the few people I know who doesn’t do it…I don’t understand how switching works.

Like…I get the very basic theory.  Like, the you do one thing, and then you do this other thing parts.  But the mindset is completely and utterly foreign to me.  How does that work?  How do you even…tell what you want and when and with who?  I guess it’s just a mood thing…like how sometimes you can be in the mood for one kind of sex, or food, or whatever, and another time all you want is something else entirely.

Also, please note, I’m not saying that any of this is bad.  It’s totally not bad!  I often wish I were a switch, mostly because everyone I’ve had a relationship with since I came to kink has been switchy and that leaves me utterly incapable of satisfying anyone ever.

Being submissive is just a huge part of my identity (I realize that’s not true for everyone, but it is for me)…to the point where I have a really difficult time talking about myself without it coming up.

So…I dunno.  I feel like this post is making me sound really dense.  I just…I get the concept, and I more or less get how it works in practice, but the mindset is utterly lost on me.

I don’t know what else to say.

30 Days of Kink – Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

Posted in Uncategorized on May 28, 2012 by

When Roderick first asked me “Hey can I hold you down sometime?” I had no idea how much it would change things for me.  There were the obvious ways, where I suddenly had all this language to actually describe things I’d always felt.  Suddenly I could actually articulate what I wanted, what I found sexy.  It was so completely, wonderfully different from the vague wafflings I’d tried to use to explain things to other partners.

That was all fairly basic.

What I didn’t expect was that it would give me friends.  Pretty much my entire social circle here in New York City is made up of people I met through the kink scene.  It was entirely delightful, meeting all these great new people with which I had all this stuff (not just BDSM, but lots of things) in common and getting to know them and doing silly things with them.

Of course, I also met Garnet through the scene, and I think it’s pretty apparent how well that’s going. (i.e. Really, incredibly, amazingly, awesomely well.)

Also, of course, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have my amazing job if not for being involved in BDSM.  Kinky issues got me interested in feminist issues and sex-positive issues and now instead of aimlessly drifting from one annoying retail job to another, I’ve spent two years working for an amazing company that I love and believe in.

I feel like for a lot of people, your mid-twenties is when you go through all sorts of exciting and life-changing stuff.  You move around, you try different jobs and relationships, you get more settled.  For me, kink has been the catalyst that made a lot of those things happen.

The 30 Days of Kink meme can be found here.

30 Days of Kink – Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

Posted in Uncategorized on May 27, 2012 by

Once again, oh God so many.

I’ve talked about several here before.  I hate when people conflate D/s roles and gender.  Seriously, despite the fact that I am very much Garnet’s girl, few things piss me off faster than seeing someone use the terms “girl” and “submissive” interchangeably when they’re talking about submissives in general.  I also hate when particular sex acts are talked about as inherently tied to roles (either D/s roles or gender roles).  Basically, generalizations piss me off.

It pisses me off when people inflict their personal protocol on others in wildly inappropriate settings.  House rules are one thing,  and I’m pretty willing to go along when I’m on someone else’s turf, especially when I know I’m in a setting where higher protocol is the norm–I wouldn’t go to a high-protocol event if I didn’t want to deal with that.  However, I will never forget a few years ago when Roderick and I were at a public party, very casual, and a prominent local pro-domme complimented Roderick on my corset.  That I was wearing.  While I was standing right there.  Even after he pointed out that I’d made the corset myself, she didn’t speak to me or even make eye contact, but continued to talk about me like I wasn’t fucking standing right there.

Similarly, I dislike when people do this via the internet.  When researching various stuff, both for myself and for Garnet, I can’t even tell you the number of times I’ve come across discussions where someone says “Any advice for situation x because y?” And some asshole responds with “I wouldn’t allow x or y to happen in the first place!”  Like, a) not helpful, and b) shut up you don’t know what is or isn’t allowed in anyone else’s relationship.

It also annoys me when people act like being a dominant and a top and a sadist are all the same thing and use those terms interchangeably, and when they do the same with submissive, bottom, and masochist.  It’s not really on the same level as the stuff mentioned above, but it still annoys and frustrates me when it happens.  No everyone who bottoms or likes to experience intense sensation is submissive, and not every dominant likes to inflict pain.  This has been on my mind a bit lately.  Especially since my sadistic streak has been popping up a lot in the past week or so, even as I try to work more and more on being a better submissive.  These two things are not in opposition to each other, or even mutually exclusive.  They just…are.

So yeah…there are many things, many of which I didn’t even really go into here.

Posted in Uncategorized on May 26, 2012 by

Last weekend…oh, last weekend.  Last weekend was, as Garnet predicted it would be months ago, a drunken fuck mess.  In that there was lots of fucking, and that I was occasionally a drunken mess.

We went to an event, Garnet and me and her boyfriend, and her on-again off-again fuckbuddy type person was also there (goddamn it they both need pseudonyms…do I use the same ones she uses for them on her blog, for the sake of consistency?) and, well, commence the juggling act.  I went to a drag show, and she went to have sex.  The next day, I went to a burlesque show and she went to have sex.  I was actually really pleasantly surprised by how smoothly this all went, and I got to watch drag performers/attractive people taking their clothes off to music.  It would have been even better if I were not so painfully socially awkward and had, like, met people/made friends to hang out with…but still.  It went well.

Highlights included Garnet’s boyfriend offering to be my social wingman and help me make friends, Garnet and I getting a signed copy of The Big Book of Pain (the co-author who signed it for us wrote “This is not intended as an instruction manual”), shopping (I bought pretty earrings and a fancy comb with bats on them!), and going out for sushi.  Also, being surrounded by attractive people, many of whom were wearing wonderful costumes, caused me to have feelings.  Basically, I realized that I am actually still attracted to boys (apart from Garnet when she is presenting more boyishly) sometimes after all.

The other highlight, of course, was when Garnet and I got some time to ourselves in the hotel room.

Several months ago, I ordered the Drac and Frankenstein dildos from Fleshlight.  And they arrived right before we were due to go away for the weekend.  So obviously I had to bring them with me.  And really, they’re gorgeous.  The photos on the Fleshlight site don’t do them justice, the Frankenstein especially is really amazing looking.  The silicone has this iridescent sheen to it…but anyway, the Frankenstein is for Garnet (and, probably, for her to threaten and scare me with, because it is scary huge) and the Drac is for me.  Since I was annoyingly bleeding profusely from my bits all weekend, it seemed only fitting that we give the Drac a taste of blood.

Garnet laid me down on the bed and lifted my skirt out from under me, saying she’d rather get blood on the sheets than on my skirt.  She pulled down my undies and bit into my hip, a long, delicious bite that hurt and felt wonderful all at once.  Then she pulled on a glove and slipped her fingers inside me.  I wriggled and gasped and moaned at how good it felt…I’ve been buying so many toys for us to try out that we don’t have manual sex nearly as much as we used to, and it’s kind of too bad because I absolutely love the way her fingers feel inside me.  I asked for more, but she told me my body was not really on board with the request (I have got to figure out what to do to get back into fistable shape…I really miss taking her whole hand) and she reached for the dildo.

She pushed just the tip into me, sliding it in and out so that it gave a little pop every time as it slipped out each time.  It felt really wonderful.  I wiggled my hips and told her how good it felt, and she grinned.  ”I know, isn’t that the best feeling?”  She said.  Then she pushed it as deep as it would go.  ”You’re desperate for cock, aren’t you?” she said as she watched it slide inside me.  ”All these boy crushes…your cunt is hungry to be penetrated.”  This is apparently what happens when I tell her I’ve been checking out cute boys.  I really can’t complain.  I managed to say something about my cunt only being hungry for her to penetrate it, which was tricky, as the feeling of her pushing and sliding and twisting the toy in and out of me was rather distracting.  At one point she commented on how wet I was, then pulled out the dildo so I could see that it was, in fact, slick and completely coated in my own wetness as well as lube.

Then she got out the clothespins.  I had put a bunch of them in a little plastic box, with my gloves and lube and condoms and dams.  I had forgotten how much Garnet likes clothespins.  She put several on my labia, commenting on how well-suited to clothespins my bits are, then she clipped one to the base of my clit.  The whole time, she kept fucking me.  It felt amazing.  Much, much better than when she has me put clothespins on myself.  She played around with them for a bit, tweaking and flicking them, making me moan and squeal, then she took them off, one by one.

The Hitachi was still plugged in from when she’d been using it earlier, and she had me get it.  She flipped it on and pressed it against my clit.  It is so different when she uses a Hitachi on me from when I use it on myself.  I’m much more…careful myself, holding back, moving the vibrator to keep it from being too intense. Garnet just presses it against me and watches me squirm.  It was overwhelming, and I almost tried to wiggle away, but she wouldn’t let up.  If not for my difficulty squirting when there’s something inside me, I definitely would have squirted.  I sat up almost involuntarily, whimpering and biting my lip, on the edge of coming for so long that I felt like I was going to completely fall apart.  And then, suddenly, I was coming and coming and coming…I fell back on the bed shaking while Garnet purred at me and told me what a good girl I was.

I laid there for a long time after, and we cuddled a bit.  It was really delicious.  I’d been biting my lip so much and so hard before I came that it was a little swollen after.  And I kind of love that it was something we hadn’t really done before, her fucking me all hand-held like that.  I like that we’ve still got new things to try after a year.  Also, remarkably, the softcup I was using held up through all of this and didn’t leak and I didn’ get blood everywhere.  Hooray!

I could write a bunch more about all the stuff I learned about taking care of myself at cons (eat regularly, try to get sleep, don’t drink lots of gin on an empty stomach) or lots of things about feelings…but I think I’ll just leave this for now.  It was wonderful, and I am a very, very lucky girl.

30 Days of Kink – Day 17: “What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 25, 2012 by

Oh my God so many things.

How kinky folks are portrayed in pop culture is kind of a huge pet peeve of mine.

I hate things that portray kinksters as murderers, as dangerous, as just a short leap away from nonconsensual rape/torture/etc.  Not only is it unfair, and not only does it contribute to the stigmas against BDSM, but I personally believe that all those episodes of Law & Order and CSI and whathaveyou where kinksters are dangerous are part of the reason actual abuse in the scene gets swept under the rug so often–when everyone in the scene is working so hard to prove that we’re not all evil, the actual evil things that are happening don’t get talked about or acknowledged.

I also hate things that portray kinky people as being damaged and in need of fixing or redemption.  Some of us (myself included) have screwy pasts (though I also feel like I should mention that lots of submissives I know who have been in abusive relationships are pretty sure they were submissive before their abusive relationship–a lot of us got into bad situations because we didn’t know how to get what we were looking for safely, we aren’t submissive because we were abused), but a lot of us don’t.  I know people who identify as all different flavors of kinky who have all different kinds of pasts.  Just like I know plenty of vanilla folks who’ve had rough pasts.  And as for needing to be redeemed?  I just…what even is that?  I honestly can’t even wrap my head around the idea that it would be possible or desirable to fix someone’s kinks.  Like…”I love you so much that it has changed you, now let’s never have that awesome kind of sex we were both actually enjoying again.”  Just…what?  What even is that?

I’m also kind of tired of the old “submissives are the ones who really have the power” thing.  Not that I don’t believe in safe words and limits, I am all about safe words and limits and massive amounts of negotiation.  But I think that phrase that gets trotted out is a massive over simplification and can even be used in a really victim-blamey way in some situations.  Also, on a way less important and serious note, it fucks up my headspace.  I don’t want all the power.

I also wish, though I admit that D/s is a thing that I am hugely into, that other aspects of BDSM got more attention.  Like…not everyone does D/s, y’know?  There are lots of other ways in which people are kinky, and lots of other things people do…but some much of what appears in pop culture is this very specific type of dominant/submissive dynamic where no one ever switches and everything is serious business all the time and no one ever looks like they’re having fun.  That’s nothing like anyone I know in the scene.

There should be an episode of CSI or something where a bunch of nerdy damn kinksters are, like, LARPing in the woods and stumble upon a body.  And it has nothing to do with any of them, or the fact that they’re kinky or LARPers.  They just coincidentally found the body.  That would be something I’d watch.

The 30 days of kink meme can be found here.

30 Days of Kink – Day 16: “What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 24, 2012 by

Let me start out this post by saying how incredibly lucky I am.  I am in an amazing relationship with someone who shares almost all of my kinks, I am able to be out to most of my friends, and, amazingly, to be out at work with absolutely no danger of losing my job because I’m kinky or there’s the odd semi-clothed picture of me floating around the internet.  Like, several of my coworkers have congratulated me on my new collar and one even teared up a bit as she did so.

…but I’m not able to be out to my family.  And that is kind of tough.  Like, it’s as much because of their boundaries (I’m pretty sure it would make my parents incredibly uncomfortable) as because of my fear of how they’d react…but it kind of sucks.  And I know, I know…all the arguments about how I wouldn’t want to hear about what my parents do in the bedroom, so why should they have to hear about my kinks…and that makes a fair amount of sense.  It really does.  Except that Garnet has this amazing relationship with her parents, where she’s able to tell them most everything, and when she told her mom she was planning on collaring me, her mom cried because she was happy for us.  I’m a little jealous of that.  Though my mother is terrible at handling big emotional situations, so even if it weren’t about kink I’d be dissatisfied with my relationship with her…so yeah.

The other side of that, apart from the personal, I-have-issues-with-my-parents part, is that I wish I could be way more public about this stuff.  I would like to be able to have my real name attached to stuff, to be able to be way more public and vocal about sexuality and kink, because I think it’s important to talk about this stuff and normalize it and de-stigmatize it, and I kind of hate that I feel like I can’t do that.

And lastly, of course (and probably least important, considering how blissfully happy I am with my relationship with Garnet), it does make it slightly trickier to find a compatible partner.  I loved Roderick so much, and when we started dating, it was like “Oh, hey, we both have kind of high-ish sex drives and are kinky?  Awesome!”  I don’t think it occured to either of us that we could both be kinky and still have incompatible desires.  But I spent hours and hours mentally beating myself up for not being a switch and able to top him the way he wanted me to, and he was profoundly disinterested in the type of very rules-based D/s that flips my switches.  And that’s with a kinky partner.  That doesn’t even touch on how weird and awkward and unfulfilling it was to be with mostly vanilla guys.  And I’m lucky that most of my kinks are not super uncommon ones–lots of folks have desires that are way more difficult to fulfill than mine.

So there are a few things here and there…but mostly I am really, really lucky.

30 Days of Kink – Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

Posted in Uncategorized on May 23, 2012 by

Woo hoo!  Halfway there!  Also, yesterday’s post was my 80th post, which I feel pretty fantastic about.

So I had a second with today’s prompt where I couldn’t think of anything.  And then, of course, I thought of, like, five things all at once.  Here are some of those things:

-I want a chastity belt real bad.  I really, really like the idea of Garnet being able to lock me up and control my access to my own bits like that.  Bonus if it can be used as a strap-in harness.

-Sutures.  This is one of those things that I really like the idea of but know that I do not yet have the pain tolerance for.  Similar to the above, I am really into the idea of Garnet sewing up my cunt if she wants to, and I’ve mentioned before that I am furiously turned on by the possibility of her sewing my mouth shut.  I need to work on this pain tolerance thing.

-Sounding.  This is a big one.  It’s really, really scary to me, which I find really, really exciting.  It’s also a level of bodily control that just seems above and beyond most other stuff.  The thought of Garnet having that amount of power over my body, to penetrate a hole that does not get penetrated pretty much ever, to have her own my body that completely, is profoundly thrilling.  And I’ve read that the g-spot stimulation that can be achieved that way is intense.

There are also lots and lots of role play type scenarios I want to try and just haven’t gotten around to.  I wish I had more time and that planning more elaborate stuff myself didn’t make me feel like I was being bossy or demanding. 

The 30 Days of Kink meme can be found here.

Anniversary – Part 2

Posted in Uncategorized on May 22, 2012 by

With my new collar secured, Garnet started looking for a spot for us to play.  She selected one of those suspended bondage bed thingies, in a corner that also had lots of Catholic-y religious paraphernalia.  I was unsurprisingly in favor of the religious paraphernalia.  We adjusted it to the right height, and she had me go grab a sheet of plastic to put down underneath myself.  I hopped up on the plastic-covered bed and she dug through a nearby compartment with all sorts of restraints.  She cuffed my thighs to the chains that supported the foot of the bed (which was ultra hot, as I’ve wanted thigh cuffs for ages now) and my ankles above them, so my legs were spread with my feet in the air.

She gagged me with red bondage tape and we sorted out a safe signal (raise one fist for “yellow” and both fists for “red”) since I would be gagged.  She put clamps on my nipples and started selecting implements.  I don’t even remember what she used…various painful objects, in various degrees of stinginess and thudiness, all over my ass and thighs and just above my cunt.  I had to call yellow several times and take little breaks.  I was sure, with one particularly thuddy toy, I could already feel the bruises forming under my skin.  And  then…then she went at the soles of my feet.

I know lots of people for whom bastinado (beating the soles of their feet) is a hard limit, and more people for which it is a dreaded punishment.  I was actually pretty afraid of it myself, having not a lot of experience with it. But when Garnet smacked the bottoms of my feet with the same toys that had made me squirm and squeal behind my gag when she used on other places I…was pretty unfazed.  I guess working in retail and walking everywhere for roughly ten years makes your feet bastinado-proof.  Or everyone’s body is different.  One of those.

At some point, I sweated so much under the gag that it slipped off.  At some point, I had to ask to have the clamps taken off my nipples, because I had PMS and they were really tender.  At some point, Garnet smacked my breasts with evil zappy tennis rackets of doom.  I was basically a big ball of whimpering and ow-ing and trying desperately to close my legs despite the fact that they were chained open.

Then she got a glove, and some lube.  I had lost the gag, and when she started to slip her finger into my ass I was soon asking for another (in the most awkward way possible, because I am super awkward “I could take another finger…I’m just sayin’…”)…and then there was another and then we were working on stretching my ass and I was wiggling and moaning and then she had all five fingers in my ass.  She couldn’t get the knuckles in, but, well…it would seem that her prediction about someday fisting my ass is going to come true.

After a little while she looked up at me.  ”I think your ass is just about done for tonight,” she said, and slowly pulled out.  I let her know that my feet had reached their time limit for being elevated, and she unhooked my feet from the chain so I could put them down.  Then she went off to get more supplies.  ”I want to gag you,” she said as she stuffed my balled-up panties in my mouth.  The cotton soaked up all my spit and my mouth was dry, but I could taste myself and it was really hot…then she pulled on her harness and smooth, curvy dildo and she started fucking my cunt hard.  She spilled hot wax across my chest (from a candle she’d lit earlier) as she started, and I gasped at the heart of it.  She had good leverage, since she was standing and I was at just the right height, and she connected my ankle cuffs behind her back and shoved the smooth cock into me hard and fast over and over.  I moaned behind the gag and wriggled as much as I could, trying to meet her thrusts.  It was so satisfying, those hard thrusts, in the way that only being fucked hard and fast and roughly is satisfying, even if it’s not something I can come from.  And as I was thinking that, and wish I could say it out loud but was stopped by the gag, she slowed…down…and slowly and carefully slid the cock in and out of me, working my g-spot, slowly and firmly, over and over.  I actually got closer to coming that I ever do from g-spot stimulation alone, and then…she stopped.

I let out a little wail behind the gag.  She looked at me and shook her head.  ”Surely that was enough?” she said.  She uncuffed my thighs and pulled out the gag and I explained about how I’d almost come.  ”Why didn’t you say anything?” she teased.  Then she led me into the room for my fifty lashes, that I’ve earned by making typos in texts to her and her on the blog.  We pulled a spanking bench in front of a mirror and she had me bend over and she got her riding crop.

Now, those who’ve been reading for a while may remember my last fifty lashes, at a party, with the same riding crop, through denim shorts.  Those made me cry twice and were very, very difficult to endure.  This time, I was naked, with no protection between the crop and my skin, and already well-tenderized by my earlier beating.  I bent over the spanking bench and squeezed my eyes shut, ready for it to be nearly unbearable.  And…well…it definitely hurt, but I didn’t cry this time.  I counted quietly, and Garnet coached me on when to breathe, and I took them.  All fifty.  By the time it was done, I was a little giggly and endorphin high.  With more work on breathing, I may develop a decent pain tolerance yet.

While I was still a little euphoric, Garnet led me into the medical room.  She had my hop up on the exam table and put my feet in the stirrups, and she laid out supplies to pierce me.  Now, she and I have done a bit of play piercing before, but this was going to be the first time she pierced me in a more permanent fashion.  I’ve wanted a labret stud since I was a kid, so as one of my gifts, she decided to give it to me.

It was almost exactly like getting a piercing done anywhere (except that I was naked).  She put on fresh gloves, she cleaned skin and marked where I wanted the piercing, then used those little clampy things to make sure the needle went through straight.  She told me to breathe, and then, well, she shoved a needle through my lower lip.  It hurt.  It hurt more than my other piercings (or at least more than I remember my other piercings hurting), but fuck I love the memory of her pushing the needle through my lip, with the blood on my face, in the medical room of the dungeon.  Then she popped in the fresh, sterile jewelry and grinned at me, exclaiming about how cute I looked with the piercing.  (I’m not gonna lie, it’s well-placed and quite flattering.)  ”I have 100 needles and two barbells left,” she said.  I begged off any more piercings that night, but we did talk about where else she wants to pierce me eventually.

Then we went upstairs to bed, and she let me masturbate with a new vibe we hadn’t tried yet (and ohmygoodness, it was strong!)…I kept having to reposition it on my clit to get the right sort of stimulation…it didn’t help that I was desperately trying not to squirt and finding the balance between enough stimulation to come, but not so much that I squirted was tricky.  I said as much to Garnet at one point, and she said “I know…you’ve almost come three times now.”  I asked how she could tell, and she said “I can smell it, that’s why I keep closing my eyes.”  I think the ridiculous, overwhelming hotness of finding out that she can smell when I’m about to come is part of what finally pushed me over the edge.  She clamped her hand over my mouth so I wouldn’t make too much noise, and I clutched at her hand as I shook.

We talked a bit before we fell asleep.  The next morning, we had breakfast (again, it was tricky to balance my plate while sitting on the floor), then loaded up the car and headed out so that I’d still be on time for work.

It was a completely amazing anniversary, and I love her and adore her, and I am a lucky, lucky girl.

Anniversary

Posted in Uncategorized on May 21, 2012 by

I tried to write this post last night, but I was interrupted by a marauding centipede in my room, ran screaming into the living room, got an official extension from Garnet (since I’m supposed to write about sexy and/or ouchie tiems within a week of them happening), and slept on the couch.  So now…without further ado…the post about Garnet’s and my year anniversary…

She planned some major surprises.  Garnet loves surprising me, and making me squirm for a long time beforehand trying to guess what she’s planning.  I still don’t know what our (sadly postponed) plans were supposed to be for Valentine’s Day, since she’s still saving it for another time.  This time, though, with work stress and other stress I was less excited and more…anxious.  She had implied that there would be some kind of challenge or test, and I of course, like a dumbass, got all nervous.  Also, two weeks beforehand, she took my collar.  I haven’t really written about my collar much here, as it was not a serious business collar, it was more of a…place holder.  Collars mean different stuff to different people in different relationships, and in our particular case, this was a temporary and rather casual collar…but it was hugely important to me, and I was rather apprehensive about earning it back.

So she planned our anniversary.  I knew we were going somewhere and staying overnight, and I knew I was going to be challenged in some way.  I thought there would be canes and needles and possibly some scary fear play…what I didn’t expect is that I would have to make a phone call.  A phone call to a mystery person/place, where I had no idea what’s going on or what to say.  And, outside of calls at work, I am really, really phone-shy.  I had to psych myself up a lot, and I was really nervous…but I did it.  I called a stranger and confirmed our stuff, and then, the person who answered the phone said “I just need to make sure you trust Garnet and you’ll follow wherever she takes you.”

“Yes,” I breathed, “of course.”

After the call, I knew where we were going, but still didn’t know what would happen when we got there.  I was still imagining that there would be some sort of very serious test of my abilities and figured that I would probably fail spectacularly.  It wasn’t until right before I left my apartment that I really sorted out that Garnet loves me and takes care of me and wouldn’t plan something for me that I couldn’t handle.  It takes me a while to figure things out sometimes.

I went out to Garnet’s house from work the night before, and we got up early and loaded up the car.  I had to call again and confirm, and again was really nervous about calling.  Once we were in the car, she plonked her lap top in my lap and opened up some documents.  ”So…” she said, “we’re going to have a re-collaring ceremony.  You’ve got four hours to write your part.”  I, or course, cried.  She had pulled up some ideas for me.  We had a pleasant drive, with fun music and a stop for coffee and me writing my…well…vows.

We arrived.  The place that she’d booked us into is kind of…well…like a bed and breakfast with a dungeon in the basement.  A house servant wearing only a collar took our bags inside, and we went in for a tour.  The room we were staying in was fully outfitted with both a St. Andrew’s cross and a bed great for tying someone to.  The bathroom had a huge bathtub.  And the dungeon?  I could try to list all the equipment and toys in the dungeon, but I would fail utterly, so I will only talk about the things we used and I will do that momentarily.

I gave Garnet a bath before dinner.  I was still feeling kind of nervous and worried about failing her, so I maybe did not do a great job of it, but the tub was lovely and I hope she enjoyed it at least somewhat.  We dressed for dinner, and someone came and offered her brandy.  They also asked if they should set a place for me at the table or if I’d be dining on the floor.  She decided I should sit at her feet.

Garnet is very big on manners and etiquette.  She had me study up on dining etiquette before the weekend.  Of course (#practicalsubmission), since I was sitting on the floor, my main concern was balancing my various courses in my lap without spilling anything.  Soup is difficult to eat while sitting on the floor.  Still, the next time I’m allowed to eat at a table with her I’ll be ready.  For now we’re practicing my gracefully-sitting-on-the-floor skills.  I’m hoping that this will improve my gracefully-standing-back-up-without-my-knees-audibly-cracking skills as well.

After dinner and a brief nap, we headed downstairs to the dungeon.  She found a corner she liked and had me strip and kneel.  She laid my collar on the floor in front of me, along with a leash she’d had me bring (my leash is really fancy, I wish I had a picture).  And we both got our notes out, and then…then she produced a second collar from somewhere.  ”This isn’t just a re-collaring,” she said, “it’s a graduation ceremony as well.” she told me she was pleased with my progress and my training, and that I was ready for the next step.  I got all teary.   And we read our vows, and she put the new collar around my neck, and I clipped the leash on, and she locked it in place, and I gave her the leash.  Then I cried more.  I was intensely, profoundly happy.

My collar is so pretty.  Garnet made it specially for me.  It’s red and black and purple and silver chain mail, with two loops in the front–one for my leash, and one for my tag.  My tag is purple, too, and has Garnet’s special pet name for me on the front.  On the back, it says that I’m owned by her.  On either side of the tag and loop, there are tiny silver bells.  It makes me blissfully happy whenever I look in the mirror and see it.

This is getting really long, and I’m only about half way done…I think it’s going to have to be a two-parter.

To be continued…