Mina Button's blog

kink and feminism and stuff…formerly known as Absinthe Cocktail.

The Porn Purge

So my dad was in town for a few days, for work, and he stayed with Roderick and me while he was here.  So of course, this past week-end Roderick and I had to CLEAN ALL THE THINGS and, of course, HIDE ALL THE PORN!

This becomes a more and more involved process every time we have to do it.  There’s a picture somewhere from the last time my parents were coming to visit, of me holding an armload of porn (I use “porn” loosely here…DVDs, written erotica, probably a few how-to books) stacked up to my chin, trying to figure out where to stash it.  It’s difficult, because on the one hand I feel like I shouldn’t have to clean out my bookcase every time my parents come to town, but on the other, I’m terrified of them not speaking to me ever again and (on a slightly less irrational note) I feel like it would freak them out and cross their boundaries if I left a copy of Rough Sex on the coffee table.

The bigger issue at work here is, of course, that I’m leading a double life.  Most of what I do in NYC somehow involves sex or the scene–my job, some of my hobbies, almost all of my friendships.  I may do something really ordinary like, say, go bowling, but a lot of the people I’ll be doing it with are people I know because of a shared interest in kinky sex.  And it gets more and more frustrating as my parents are part of an ever-smaller circle of People Who Don’t Know.  I’m lucky enough to be able to be out to my coworkers, my best friends from high school are both kinksters as well, several people I’ve known since middle school read this blog.  Like, the only people who aren’t in on this are my parents and some, like, second-tier college friends who I’m only nominally in touch with.

I can’t tell them, I’m too scared.  Every time I think I might (even telling them I’m poly is too daunting, and that’s really frustrating when I’m in the new-relationship-energy stage of a relationship and want to shout from the rooftops that I’m in love!) I remember the friends I have who don’t talk to their parents anymore.  And I think of how everyone out there will tell you not to tell your parents things like that!  God, that’s none of their business–would you tell your family your favorite sex positions, too?

So I do the porn purge.  And I have whole week-ends I can’t even talk about.  And I refer to Garnet as “my friend.”  And it’s mostly okay.  Roderick and I will inevitably miss something in the purge, usually something that, hilariously, no one else would ever notice, but that seems horribly obvious to me.  This time, there were two clothespins sitting on the end table…just ordinary clothespins, which could have lots of uses…except that they also had a phrase that included the words “bondage party” stamped on them.

Someday I will have this all figured out, but today is not that day.

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