Mina Button's blog

kink and feminism and stuff…formerly known as Absinthe Cocktail.

Vibrators and Cake Mix

So vibrators are nowhere near as stigmatized as they have been at other points in time.  But still, people often feel a certain amount of shame about “needing” a vibrator–there’s a lot of stuff out there about how sex should be natural and magical and if you don’t reach orgasm from certain specific acts by themselves or if you need lube or use toys or even talk too much about sex you’re doing it wrong or are defective or are ruining the mystery.

Well, I’m here to tell you that that is nonsense.

Vibrators are like cake mix.  I realized this the other night while having a conversation about people who think toys aren’t “natural.”  One of my friends said that she’d heard when cake mix first debuted in stores, people didn’t buy it because it was “cheating”–not baking a whole cake from scratch, just adding water to a mix.  And she said that vibrators are like cake mix.

Now, one of my hobbies is scratch baking.  I like baking cakes and cookies and cupcakes from very basic ingredients, and I’m obsessed with buttercream frosting that is actually made from just butter, sugar, and vanilla.  Baking from a mix is not as interesting to me.  But the other night, Roderick decided he wanted cake, so he went and baked a cake from a mix and it wasn’t very labor-intensive and he didn’t need to buy special ingredients and now we have cake, and it’s delicious!  Cake mix is a great way to quickly and easily bake a consistently moist and yummy cake–even restaurants use it sometimes for that reason.

Vibrators can be like that, too.  Sometimes scratch baking just doesn’t work–the ingredients or the timing is off or you don’t cream the butter enough or beat the meringue long enough and it doesn’t work.  It’s still fun and fulfilling to mess around with, but you may not always be sure of the results.  Similarly, partner sex without toys is great!  It’s fun and playful and intimate and generally wonderful, but for a lot of us it doesn’t necessarily have a guaranteed outcome.  So when I want a reliable, consistent, relatively simple orgasm, I bring my favorite vibrator into play with a partner.  Sometimes I still don’t get off, but the vibrator makes it far, far more likely that it’ll happen.  And then there’s an orgasm!  It’s like cake–who cares how you got it, now you get to have cake (or orgasms) and that’s awesome!

And there are all different kinds of orgasms, much like there are all different kinds of cake.  People may find one particular kind of cake more delicious and satisfying than another, and that’s just chalked up to personal preference.  I like chocolatey things with raspberries, Garnet likes vanilla and strawberries, and Roderick likes lemon cake and it’s so not a big deal that I’m actually wondering why I’m listing it here.  We just have different taste buds and like different things.  People have all different kinds of orgasms from all different kinds of activities and stimulation, and no one kind of orgasm is definitely, really and objectively the “right” kind of orgasm or better than any other.  Just like there’s nothing wrong or faulty about not liking lemon cake, there’s nothing wrong with not coming from penetration alone.  Lots of people don’t.  Hell, there are people who don’t like or want cake at all, they’d rather just have tea, and there’s nothing wrong with that, either.

And while I have some tried-and-true scratch recipes, both with baking and sex, I’m working on being less of a snob about cake mix.  I wish more people (and media) would work on doing the same thing with vibrators.

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